30 Tips to Avoid Being Angry and Argumentative


“Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish.” (Qur’an, 7:199)

How difficult is it to practice patience when being provoked? At the same time, how many times have we responded much too sensitively, although we were not the clear target of anyone’s malice? How many hearts have been lost in an effort to win arguments? And yet, as human beings it is natural and even our right to disagree, and to think critically.

One of the most difficult challenges of character for Muslims of every background is being able to practice hilm (forbearance) during times of anger and disagreement—that is to be able to disagree with a dignified and generous spirit, and to think critically without being argumentative, stubborn, and condescending. It is because we as a community fall into this so much, and on so many levels, that I found this issue to be a relevant reminder to myself and others.
The activist argues about strategy, the student argues about fiqh and other branches of knowledge, the community leader argues in the board room, and the Imam with those who disagree with his style or approach. Whether it be with our family, friends, community members or the Islamophobe—we often find ourselves in situations where anger and argumentation can creep in, sour the mood, and sully the spirit.

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Below is a collection of Quranic verses, Prophetic narrations DO READ THEM THIS MAY HELP U A LOT IN SHAA Allah
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1. “And when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with ‘Salamaa’ (peaceful words of gentleness).” (Qur’an, 25:63)

2. “If they pass by some vain speech or play, they pass by it with dignity.” (Qur’an, 25:72)

3. “And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys… But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book.” (Qur’an, 31:19-20)

4. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “He who gave up disputing while he is right, a palace of high rank in Paradise will be built for him. He who gave up disputing while he is a fabricator, a palace in the center of Paradise will be built for him.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it as hasan)

5. “There are no people who went astray after having been guided except for indulging in disputation.” (al-Tirmidhi)

6. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ repeated three times, “Those who search deeply for confusing questions have perished.” (Muslim)

7. “Do not dispute with your brother, ridicule him, nor promise him and then break your promise.” (al-Tirmidhi)

8. Bilal ibn Sa’d radiAllahu `anhu (ra) said, “If you see a disputing, arrogant, and bigoted person, bear in mind that they are utterly lost.”

9. Luqman `alayhi assalam (as) said to his son, “O son! Do not dispute with the knowledgeable lest they detest you.”

10. `Umar (ra) said, “Do not learn knowledge for three things and do not leave it for three things. Do not learn it to dispute over it, to show off with it, or to boast about it. Do not leave seeking it out of shyness, dislike for it, or contending with ignorance in its stead.”

11. It was narrated that Abu Hanifa said to Dawud al-Taa’i, “Why do you prefer seclusion?” Dawud replied, “To struggle against myself to leave disputing.” Abu Hanifah said, “Attend meetings, listen to what is said, and remain silent.” Dawud said, “I have done so, but I have found nothing heavier than this.”

12. `A’ishah (ra) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “The most hated person with Allah is the most quarrelsome person.” (al-Bukhari)

13. Ibn Qutaybah said that his disputant said to him, “What is the matter with you?” He replied to him, “I will not dispute with you.” The disputant then said, “Thus you have come to know that I am right.” Ibn Qutaybah responded, “No, but I respect myself more than that.” At this the disputant retracted and said, “And I will not claim a thing that is not my right.”

14. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The one initiating abuse incurs the sin of abusing as long as the other did not return it.” (Muslim)

15. “The believer does not curse.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan)

16. “The believer does not defame, abuse, disparage, nor vilify.” (al-Tirmidhi, sahih)

17. “Do not invoke Allah’s curse, His anger, or Hellfire.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan sahih)

18. “Men accustomed to cursing will not be intercessors or witnesses on the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim)

19. Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (ra) narrated, “I asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about what saves me from Allah’s wrath, and he said, “Do not become angry.” (al-Tabarani and Ibn Abdul Barr) Ibn `Umar, Ibn Mas’ud, and Abu Darda’ (ra) relate similar conversations on their own behalf.

20. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “He who is victorious over his passion at the time of anger is the strongest among you. He who forgives having the power to release (his anger and take revenge) is the most patient among you.” (a-Baihaqi in Shu’ab al-Imaan)

21. Abu Hurairah (ra) narrated, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘The strong person is not he who has physical strength but the person is strong if he can control his anger.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

22. `Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote to one of his governors and said, “Do not punish at the time of anger. If you are angry with any man, keep him in detention. When your anger is appeased punish him in proportion to his crime.”

23. ‘Ali ibn Zaid mentioned, “A man of the Quraysh spoke harshly to the Caliph `Umar Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Aziz who remained silent for a long time and then said, “You wish that the devil rouses in me the pride of the Caliphate and I treat you so rudely that you can take revenge tomorrow (in the Afterlife) on me.”

24. Ibn ‘Abbas (ra) narrated, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “And when you get angry, keep silent.” (Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi)

25. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Anger is a burning coal. It burns in the heart.” (al-Tirmidhi and al-Bayhaqi)

26. “When anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution because anger arises from fire.” (Abu Dawud)

27. “Nobody swallows a more bitter pill than that of anger—seeking the satisfaction of Allah.” (Ibn Majah)

28. `Umar (ra) said, “He who fears Allah cannot give an outlet to his anger (by sinning). He who fears Allah cannot do what he likes.”

29. A nomad said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Advise me.” And he ﷺ said, “If a man defamed you with what he knows about you, do not defame him with what you know about him. For the sin is against him.” The nomad said, “I never abused any person after that.”

30. Al-Hasan (ra) said, “He that did not safeguard his tongue did not understand his religion.”

You thought it was over didn’t you? Here is a little something extra to encourage us not only to avoid such negative traits, but to also proactively seek positive ones in their place.

May Allah help us to remember that when we deal with people, our transactions are actually with Him and not His creation. As such, may awareness of His presence (ihsan) bring goodness from our speech and characters during times of difficulty as well as ease. Ameen..
By Brother Iftik Mir Zakks

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The Keys to Humility


Many of us, Islamic blog writers, students of knowledge, activists, khatibs, or any of the groups of people in between who’s Islamic activities are public affairs, find ourselves in a difficult situation. We know the importance of humility and know that it is constantly under attack.

From khutbah compliments, to blog comments, to proving a young brother or sister’s incorrect point of view to be incorrect and helping them understand a point of fiqh or arabic or ‘Aqidah – true humility is the part of our castles..

We take the steps towards being humble, and then…recognize to ourselves that we have taken these steps, thus causing us to become proud of ourselves. It is a vicious cycle. More knowledge, more wisdom…
more to lose in the battle for humility. And on top of this, how do we keep our “humility” from turning into a destruction of our self-confidence and sense of self worth?

Where is the balance? How do we keep from shows of self-demeaning: “brother, if you know me you’d know I was a pile of………” types of extreme responses to compliments.

How do we protect ourselves? How do we truly remove the pride from our hearts? Is hearing the Hadith about pride really sufficient? Is that enough fuel for us to do the job?

1. Remember why humility is important. 

The Prophet said: “No one who has an atom’s worth of pride in his/her heart will enter Jannah.”

Humility makes us beloved to Allah (SWT) and makes us kind with people. It allows us to enter Jannah. It allows us to live out our deen well, because not having an inflated opinion of ourselves allows us to accept mistakes, and move forward to correct them.

2. The classic advice of: “There are people who are more qualified than you” is good, but not comprehensive. 

We will discuss the good first – For anyone who has studied some arabic, quran, tajwid, or fiqh, you can rest assured, unless perhaps you are one of the few mujtahid-level ‘ulama alive today, that there are thousands of people out there, if not millions, who know more than you do. They are far more qualified in the deen, and many of them are younger than you. There are people more dedicated than you, more active than you, and smarter than you.

This should not dissuade us, but should bring us back to Earth.

Remember, Musa was not the least bit discouraged by his conversation with Al-Khidr. Rather, he went forward after this lesson, to build his nation into a great Ummah for the sake of Allah (swt) and establish the Shari’ah.

However, this by itself is not comprehensive. Because as many people as there might be who are more qualified than you, there will also be many who are less qualified. They will hear your khutbahs, speeches, articles, advices, and see your Islamic work and benefit. They will look up to you, ask you questions, and you will try to help them. You will teach tajwid, Quran, and many other things.

Thus, point 2 is not sufficient for us, and will still keep us in the vicious battle for our humility.

3. The comprehensive answer, often overlooked in this discussion, is simpler than we think, but easier said then done.

The answer, the key to humility – is an acknowledgment, a true, deep acknowledgment, that any accomplishment that you have ever made in your entire life of any kind, is NOTHING more than a grace and mercy of Allah (SWT) that you really have not done much to deserve.

Everything you have done, you could only do because He let you.

Everything you have gained, you only gained because He gave you.

When a beggar receives 10 dollars from a rich man, he does not go to the rich man and pretend that he has earned this money. Nor does he go into the streets haughtily and pretend that he himself is rich. His clothes, his hair, his countenance, testify to his true state.

Similarily, when we, the fuqara (the poor), have received such a charity from Allah, the Rich, of life, knowledge, deen, and rizq – our hearts and our actions testify to our true state as beggars. We thank Allah (SWT) that he hid that from the people such that people cannot see that we are just beggars. But on the Day of Judgement, that state will be easily seen if we do not rectify it.

So brothers and sisters, the key to humility is not found only in looking above you to examples of people who are better. Rather, it is looking to your Lord,and recognizing your state when placed before him.

It is in recognizing that the differences of human beings before Allah, are like a 4 yr old and a 4 yr and 1 month old arguing about who is older and thus, better.

All of this talk of humility comes down to this relationship with Allah (swt) at the end, and realizing what His Rububiyyah (Lordship) over you, really means.

Be humble with Allah (SWT) – that this Infinitely Knowledgeable Lord is always watching you, and humility with people will come. But if you try to be humble with people as the end and means, brushing off compliments and making false statements to try and seem humble, we will lose ourselves in our insincerity.

4. Lastly – do not let humility become a lack of self-confidence of source of self-degradation. 

Allah says:
“Wa la qad karramnaa bani Adam” – Verily, Indeed we have honored the Children of Adam”

Bani Adam is a mukarram creation. It is honored. Allah fashioned Adam Himself and blew the Spirit into Adam. We are honored by Allah with Islam and as human being. Do not brush off this honor, nor seek honor in anything else except Islam.

Recognize the balance in the first verse ever revealed:
“Read in the Name of Your Lord who created; created Mankind from a clinging piece of flesh” (96:1) and “He who taught Man by the Pen. Taught Man that which he did not know.”

See how Allah shows us an honor that we were created by Allah, our Lord, Himself! How special we should feel that we were fashioned by Allah personally. How honored that He (SWT) taught us and our father Adam what he did not even teach any other creation?

Then how Allah balances this with “a clinging piece of flesh” showing us the lowly origin of our creation.

So let us seek our humility not through external gestures, but through a relationship with Allah. Let us keep balance in our humility, that we remember we are honored, but that before Allah we are dust. And let us pray that Allah makes us better than what the people think we are.

Keep Away From Mutual Enmity


By Shaykh Muhammad al-Ghazali

When a quarrel intensifies, when its roots go deeper, its thorns become branches and branches increase in number, then the freshness of the fruits of faith is adversely affected. Softness, sympathy, satisfaction and peace, which are encouraged by the Islamic teachings, receive a setback. Performance of worship loses its righteousness, while the self get no benefit from it.

Many a time mutual quarrels perturb the persons who claim to be wise. When this happens, they take recourse to lowly and superficial things, and sometimes indulge in dangerous acts which only increase difficulties and bring troubles. When a man is displeased, his eyes become prejudiced and ignore the camel and object to gnat. Such eyes do not appreciate the beauty of the peacock, for they only see its ugly feet and claws. If a slight defect is present, it turns the molehill into a mountain. And sometimes the internal rancour and jealousy affect them so badly that no hesitation is felt in inventing imaginary stories. Islam disapproves of all these manifestations of ill feeling and advises to abstain from them. It declares their avoidance as the most virtuous form of worship.

The Prophet said: “Listen, may I not tell you something more important than salat, fasting and charity?” The people requested him to do so. He said: “To keep the mutual relationship on the right footing, because the defect in the mutual relationship is a thing which shaves a thing clean. I do not mean that it shaves the hair, but that it shaves (removes) the religion.” (at-Tirmidhi)

Many a time Satan is not able to persuade wise men to worship idols, but since he is very keen on misguiding and ruining men, he manages to succeed in driving them away from God, so much so that these wise men become more indifferent in respecting the rights of God than the idolaters themselves. The best method adopted by the devil for this purpose is to sow the seeds of enmity in the hearts of the people. When this enmity develops into a fire and open hostilities result, he enjoys the scene. This fire burns man’s present and future into ashes and totally destroys their relationship and virtues.

The Messenger of Allah said: “The Satan has been disappointed that he would not be worshipped in the Arabian Peninsula, but he has not been disappointed from kindling the fire of fighting among the people.” (Muslim)

It means that when wickedness takes roots in the hearts, when people start hating love and brotherhood, and when these are destroyed, people then revert to cruelty and enmity, and break all those relations and links which Allah has commanded to be kept; thus spreading corruption on this earth.

The Muslim Is Friendly And Likeable


By Dr. Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi

The Muslim who truly understands the teachings of his religion is gentle, friendly and likeable. He mixes with people and gets along with them. This is something which should be a characteristic of the Muslim who understands that keeping in touch with people and earning their trust is one of the most important duties of the Muslim. It is an effective means of conveying the message of truth to them, and exposing them to its moral values, because people only listen to those whom they like, trust and accept. Hence there are many hadiths which commend the type of person who is friendly and liked by others. Such a person is one of those chosen ones who are beloved by the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and will be closest to him on the Day of Resurrection:

“Shall I not tell you who among you is most beloved to me and will be closest to me on the Day of Resurrection?” He repeated it two or three times, and they said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam).”  He said: “Those of you who are the best in attitude and character.” [Reported by Ahmad and its isnad is jayyid]

Some reports add: “Those who are down to earth and humble, who get along with others and with whom others feel comfortable.”

One of the attributes of the believer is that he gets along with others and others feel comfortable with him. He likes people and they like him. If he is not like this, then he will not be able to convey the message or achieve anything of significance. Whoever is like that has no goodness in him, as in the hadith:

“The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no goodness in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable. ” [Reported by Abmad and al-Bazar; the men of Ahmad’s isnad are rijal as-sahih]

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) set the highest example of good behaviour towards people. He was skilful in softening their hearts and called them to follow him in word and deed. He demonstrated how to reach people’s hearts and win their love and admiration.

He was always cheerful and easy-going, never harsh. When he came to any gathering, he would sit wherever there was a free space, and he told others to do likewise. He treated everyone equally, so that no one who was present in a gathering would feel that anyone else was receiving preferential treatment. If anyone came to him and asked for something, he would give it to them, or at least respond with kind words. His good attitude extended to everyone and he was like a father to them. The people gathered around him were truly equal, distinguished only by their level of taqwa.  They were humble, respecting their elders, showing compassion to young ones, giving priority to those in need and taking care of strangers.

The Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) never used to disappoint anyone who came to ask from him. There are three characteristics that he did not possess: he was not argumentative, he did not talk too much, and he did not concern himself with matters that were not his business.

There are three things that he never did to people: he never criticized any one, he never said “Shame on you!” to anyone, and he never looked for anyone’s faults. He never said anything but that for which he hoped to earn reward. When he spoke, the people around him would listen earnestly, sitting still as if there were birds on their heads. When he was silent, then they would speak. They never argued with one another in his presence.

They would smile at whatever he smiled at, and would be impressed by whatever impressed him. He would be patient with a stranger who might be harsh in his requests or questions, and his Companions would ask the stranger to speak gently. He said, “If you see someone in need, then help him.” He never accepted praise except from someone who was thanking him for a favour, and he never cut off anyone who was speaking; he would wait until the person indicated that he had finished, or stood up.

`A’ishah tells us that he used to be cautious of the worst type of people, and he would speak gently to them and treat them well. A man sought permission to enter upon him and he said, “Let him in, what a bad brother of his tribe he is!”

When the man came in, he spoke gently to him. `A’ishah said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam), you said what you said, then you spoke gently to him.” He (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, “O `A’ishah, the worst of people is the one whom people avoid (or are gentle towards) because they fear his slander.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

The true Muslim follows in the footsteps of his Prophet in his dealings with all people, whether they are good or bad, so that he is liked and accepted by all people.